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Dear Decent Guy, Where are you?!

So Awesome - So True.

Hello Dear Followers,

The title of this blog post was actually a recent Facebook status of mine after an evening I spent with friends and two of their guy friends, one of which I couldn’t stomach the first five minutes I was in his presence.

I’m sure you’ve met this type of guy before, let me give you a brief (because that is all that is needed) description of this person.  He looks like he came out of an episode of the Jersey Shore and he thought that by making horribly derogatory comments and ::gasps:: gestures which probably would in other cases grab hold the attention of other girls, well, it  didn’t grab mine. To make a long story short, the night ended with me leaving my two friends and walking away from the whole scenario. I wasn’t mad at my friends, not at all, it’s not their fault he is this way.

Anyway, after I was slapped on the ass by this guy ( because you know he thought he had the right to)  I walked away with my middle finger in the air behind me directed at him.  I found him to be intrusive and ballsy and not funny at all. I hated feeling like the butt of the joke that certainly wasn’t making me laugh.  I was so angry.

After I left, I grabbed myself a coffee and my Marlboro Menthols in the car and drove around a bit. I began to think about whether there was any hope of ever finding a “decent guy.”  Why was it so hard? Why did it involve so many different procedures and why did I keep meeting such idiots?!  Am I too old-fashioned or an elitist?

I wasn’t interested in this particular person at all, I don’t go for the guys that look like they spend more time in the bathroom than I do, I mean, he had the best looking eyebrows and sideburns. I don’t even have that! Okay, I am getting off topic here.

I began to wonder if I am too serious, am I not fun enough, what do I have to do? Is where I am going on a regular basis not really for me? What do I need to do? Do I need to look better, eat better, sleep more, exercise, etc. etc, in order to meet my “decent guy?” I just don’t know.

One thing I do know, is that I would like to get married and as I was reading Ms. Gottlieb’s first four chapters I realized I was not alone, ( I knew that before, but it always helps to hear it from someone else).  Like Ms. Gottlieb, I too, had made a list of what I wanted in a guy and I don’t think the list is outlandish or far-fetched, he doesn’t need to have a boat or anything to qualify, but just be decent.

In her research, Ms. Gottlieb interviewed scores men and women and experts on the subject of finding “Mr. Good Enough.”  One 27-year-old said, according to Ms. Gottlieb’s book, “I’d rather be alone than settle” I have said the same thing to my friends so many times.  The same girl said, and I can totally agree – “But I would need to love someone very deeply in order to brush my teeth two feet away from where he’s taking a dump every morning.”

I have to admit, us women can be brutal we can nit-pick at everything from the shade of their hair to the types of shoes they wear and often hope that if we do give them even the slightest chance, it would be our opportunity to change them. Well, my question is, why would you date someone you want to change?

This is such a true statement from Ms. Gottlieb’s book – “I think the difference between women who get married and women who don’t is that women who don’t get married never give up the idea that they’re going to marry Brad Pitt and it never occurs to them that they might not get married at all. “They may say, ‘I’m never going to meet anyone,’ but that’s like saying, “Oh I’m fat’ when you believe you are”

Ms. Gottlieb interviewed men as well, and one guy- a 29-year-old said, that there are good guys out there, but women don’t recognize them as good guys.

“A woman broke up with me because she didn’t like the clothes I wore,” this guy explained “but she’s madly in love with a guy who dresses well, but doesn’t call her”

One man said women analyze too much, (we do, c’mon all you women out there reading this blog post, you know you agree, we do.) It’s in our nature, we can’t help it. We need to make sense of every single solitary thing, I know I do it, I do it on overload sometimes, (nasty habit it is).

Another guy said, that while some men are afraid of commitment, most aren’t.  They want to get married as much as women do, but it is often the case of the man not being into that woman, but also not wanting to give up the perks of the relationship.

The other night in my car I began to cry, simply because I was slowly losing hope that there are decent men out there, ones that don’t look at girls as if they are a conquest, ones that don’t insult women they don’t even know.  When you are in your 20s,  if you aren’t active in the sense of getting yourself out there amongst people, it is very hard to meet the right guy.  It was easier while in school because you are among your peers on a daily basis, but in your 20s if you don’t meet them at work or in bar-like social setting where do you go? I mean I am a Journalist for God’s sake, I meet people everyday!

“It used to be that lovers knew they wanted to be together but couldn’t, now it’s that lovers can be together but aren’t sure they want to, and then we complain that we can’t find a suitable spouse,” says Ms. Gottlieb in her book.

Just in case you were wondering, – according to a recent Census Bureau Report, one-third of men and one-fourth of women between 30 and 34 have never been married, these numbers are four times higher than they were in 1970, Ms. Gottlieb says.  (It seems to me like every week someone is either engaged or has gotten married, is it just me or is Facebook playing games?! ) 🙂

Has any one tried speed dating? What are your thoughts? (God Help Me)

Until Next time …..

PS – Can you tell I really like debating this topic? 🙂


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2 thoughts on “Dear Decent Guy, Where are you?!

  1. Daniela,
    He’s out there. That’s easy to say when I’ve been blissfully, happily married for 28 years, but I do remember that feeling.

    I think the concept is similar to that show “House Hunters.” It cracks me up as I watch people with barely enough cash for a down payment criticize every single house they see for ridiculous reasons. They veto a house merely because it doesn’t have double sinks in the bathroom or the wallpaper is ugly. You’re NEVER going to change a guy (and run away from an ass-slapper!), but just like the ugly wallpaper – a house, or a guy – can have great ‘bones’ if one can get past the cosmetic stuff. I’m not suggesting settling for a Frankenstein – but I do believe there is a guy, THE guy, out there for you and you’ll find him when you’re not looking for him.

    Hang in there – he’ll find you!
    (That said, I DO love the Skeleton Woman on the bench!)

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